Every laboratory needs a reliable surface. Ours is the Wobbly Side Table Mark IV, a three legged oak veneer unit that has served the laboratory for nine years and has never once held anything still.
Specifications
- Height: knee
- Surface area: roughly one dinner plate and a half
- Stability rating: “optimistic”
- Weight limit: one cup of tea, but not for long
Performance
The Mark IV excels at a number of tasks. Its slight tilt toward the north east corner ensures that round objects find the edge without any help. Its wobble, caused by a missing felt pad, adds a sense of drama to even the smallest push. Researchers describe the table as “cooperative”.
Drawbacks
The table is difficult to clean, since nothing stays on it long enough to be cleaned. It also tends to scare visitors, who tend to lean on it for balance and then lean on something else.
Verdict
Four paws out of five. We took one off because it once held a plant for six weeks, and we remain unsettled by that.
Maintenance
The Mark IV requires very little upkeep. Its screws loosen on a monthly basis, and its owner tightens them on an annual basis, which keeps the wobble at a scientifically useful level. The veneer has been scratched in several places by the researchers, each scratch recorded and named. The longest is called Gary.
Comparison with other tables
We have also tested the Dining Table Mark II, a large and stable unit that is of little use to science. Objects placed on it tend to stay there, and the researchers struggle to hold their focus. The Coffee Table Mark VI is better, but its low height diminishes the drama of a fall. The Mark IV remains, in our view, the benchmark for modern descent research.
Recommended accessories
- A small plate, for the plate’s own sake
- A candle that has not been lit, for tension
- A houseplant with unfortunate leaves
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